Jesus is Not Your Boyfriend

As my wife and I were driving down the road yesterday, a song I've heard dozens of times over the years came on the radio. It’s a catchy little tune, with a nice hook. It’s frankly very easy to get stuck in your head – and not even in a bad way.

             Oh, I love the way you hold me, by my side you’ll always be

                You take each and every day, make it special in some way

                I love the way you hold me, in your arms I’ll always be

                You take each and every day, make it special in some way.

           

            As a defender of the music of Taylor Swift, I can unashamedly say I think it’s catchy. But something struck me as I heard this song this particular time – this was on a Christian station! So I asked my wife, who is much smarter than I, why she thought this sappy (but catchy) little love song was playing on a Christian music station, and she told me the song was being sung to God. One of the verses apparently says, “Lord, I love the way you hold me.” Hmm. I admit to being confused. This blog is not to criticize a particular song – again, I think this one is catchy. But it is to question why we think we can sing to Jesus as if he is our boyfriend. Let me make this clear – Jesus is most certainly NOT your boyfriend. He is the God of Heaven and earth, creator of the universe, redeemer of humanity, and he loves you. He really does love you. But when we confuse the kind of love God has for us with some kind of sappy romance, we really misunderstand what his love, and therefore what real love, is all about.

            And this is not to denigrate romance. God created it. Read the Song of Solomon. It’s in the Bible for a reason. Romance is good, when it is done the way God intended. It’s just that romance is not what God intended for the relationship between Jesus and his people. It’s must deeper, much better than that.

            There are two reasons why I think we have run into some confusion here, and both are misunderstandings of important Biblical pictures. One is the idea of having a personal relationship with God. The Bible is clear – Jesus’ came to the earth, lived a perfect life, died a sacrificial death, was raised from the grave on the third day, and then ascended into Heaven, so he could have relationship with his people. Sin had marred that relationship. Through the Gospel, it has been mended. This is important. You can know God. You can be in relationship with him.  But it’s important that we understand what that relationship is.

            And here is where I think the confusion lies. Many of us have read that we are the “bride of Christ,” and we have misunderstood exactly what that means. You see, the main reason marriage was created in the first place was to reflect the relationship between Jesus and those he died to redeem, his church. Paul calls it the “great mystery” of the Gospel. (Ephesians 5:32) But that does not mean that everything about a marriage between a man and woman will translate into what marriage between Jesus and his church looks like. Paul makes clear in Ephesians 5 exactly what this means. Let’s take a look.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.  In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:22-32)

            Now, there is a lot in this passage, but some things are clear about the relationship here between Christ and his church, and none of them relate to any kind of romantic relationship. The husband is to take his cues as to how he is to treat his wife from the way Jesus treats the church – he is to love his wife and serve his wife. And he’s to do this because this is what Jesus does. He loves his people. He serves his people. He loves his people like his loves himself. The wife, on the other hand (and I know this is controversial) is to submit to her husband, in a way that reflects what the church does with Jesus. This is why Christian marriage is meant to be a reflection of the Gospel. For the Christian, marriage isn't mainly about romance (though it ought to also be about that); it’s mainly about reflecting the love and the mutual sacrifice between Christ and his church. And it is why Christians ought to guard their marriages so closely – to do something that mars your marriage is to tell untruths about the Gospel, and therefore tell untruths about God himself.

            But when we talk about Jesus as if he is our boyfriend, it does much the same thing. It cheapens the kind of love that Jesus has for his church. When we talk about being the bride of Christ, we mean that the relationship between Jesus and his church is a real love relationship, one marked by service and sacrifice on Jesus’ part, and submission and worship on our part. But it’s not romance, it’s more than that. It’s true love that promises to last for eternity. It’s not the kind of love that takes you to a special dinner with wine and roses once a month – it’s much, much more; the kind of love where Jesus offers his very life so that you have joy forever.